BENGALURU: A year after the Pahalgam terror attack that claimed the life of her husband, Bharath Bhushan, Dr Sujatha still measures time in ‘before’ and ‘after’. What remains, she says, is a void. “I’ve lost my emotion… I’ve lost my smile,” she says quietly.Bharath Bhushan, an MBA graduate, complemented her life as a doctor. “He knew the world. I knew my patients. We balanced each other. Now, I don’t have my emotional pillar.”Her four-and-a-half-year-old son, who witnessed the attack, has responded in ways that both comfort and concern her. “He saw his father being shot. We were both splattered with blood,” she recalls. “He kept saying, ‘Papa is hurt, there’s so much blood.'”Bharath Bhushan’s photograph sits beside Dr Sujatha in her clinic, a silent presence that she says guides her decisions. But the attack casts a long shadow. “To cope, I keep myself busy from morning till night. If I’m idle, my thoughts drift back to that scene,” she said. “That moment weighs more than all the happiness we shared.”Despite long working hours across hospitals, and freelance consultations, Sundays are reserved for her son. “I consciously kept Sundays free. He needs me.” Attackers brainwashed to believe what they do is right: Dr Sujatha Since that day, the child has not once asked for his father. “He’s very calm, like his father. He doesn’t throw tantrums when I’m not around. Only with me, when I’m home,” she says, with a faint smile. “I’m thankful he’s such a well-behaved child.”Gradually, she has helped him understand the loss. “He knows his father is no more. I keep engaging him, playing, and teaching. My family supports me a lot.”April, once a month of celebration, is now one of grief. The family had just celebrated Bharath Bhushan’s birthday days before the attack. “We were planning a family outing on April 14. We always visited a temple first and then went out. Now, this month is something I can never forget.”Having heard from her parents about heavy security presence in Kashmir, Dr Sujatha says she was not too worried when she first heard the noise. “At first, we thought it was crackers. Then, I thought security personnel would handle it but there was no security in that area. Not even one person. If there had been even a single armed guard, this could have been avoided.”She also points to a deeper issue: radicalisation. “These attackers are brainwashed to believe what they’re doing is right. Something needs to change. I don’t know how, but this cannot continue.”Since the attack, fear has become a constant companion. “I’m always alert, looking around, even while driving. Not ahead, but at trees, and corners, wondering if someone is targeting us,” she told TOI.When asked about revisiting a memory with her husband, she says it would be their wedding day. “I was so happy. I kept asking him, ‘How could you choose me?'” They had been married for six years when Pahalgam happened. “I’ve pushed myself to keep going,” she says. “But the loss, it’s always there.”
